Freedom love and independence

Of late I realized that freedom and independence is a matter of lack of faith and love. This thought came to me when I started to ponder about my marriage and what went wrong with my relationship with my parents. It was again affirmed when I started thinking about the politics that's happening around for the creation of new states. It was this thought that brought out the lines of the skit 'Freedom' played in Christ College that goes like this: "When we speak about freedom are we really free? We want freedom from our parents, we want freedom of speech, we want to live the way we want. We turn away from God. Maybe we get freedom from God's wonderful love and care. But are we really free?"

Let me begin with what came to my mind when it came to my relationship with my parents. From my perspective I had a strong bondage with my dad which could make me face anything in this world if he's around. His words and gentle touches used to have a healing power and strength to withstand any pain, even physical. But it all died down through the years when I grew up. And where did it go wrong? Well, that is where the concept of freedom and independence played its part.

Freedom, that's what I wanted. My nature was entirely different from anyone in my family. The way I thought and the way I wanted to live was all different. But I was always harnessed in the family values except for forcing my dad to send me for martial arts class by bruising my lips badly and the long hair which I somehow managed so far.

Slowly I was drifting away from him when friends became my priority. But then, by God's grace, even without facing any problems with friends I soon started realizing the realities. But then it was too late before I realized I've gone too far away from him. And to add on to that was his attitude towards me. He was more a businessman than a dad to me for which I hated doing business. And he became more like a banker whom I approach whenever I wanted something.

Above all these was the matter of independence. My parents never wanted to be depended on me or my brother or sister. Mom and dad earned enough for their living and says they dont want to depend on us. They don't say when they are not well. They don't let me help them. And my dad just threw the shirt which I got him with the first salary I got. These things made me realize that I'm the most useless guy in this world. If they don't need me then what am I living for. Anyway I'm thankful to them as it made me brave enough to live a careless life as I need not care even for myself. Otherwise I would have gone into depression when I started realizing I'm all alone in this world.

And for the marriage part of it, when i started thinking about the attitude of girls, it gave me more reasons. I might be termed as '1947 type,' a term I use to call those who are narrow minded and wear dress which is not so modern, but I'm least bothered as I have reasons for what I think. We are living in a world where girls want to be considered equal to guys. (Don't misunderstand me. I do consider them equal and at times above guys for theirs is a blessed life which no man can be compared to). They say they want freedom. They want to be independent. They no longer want to do household duties as they talk about equality. They have ambitions, they think about careers, etc. They say they are not servants to wash clothes and clean house and baby sit kids and questions why guys don't do that. They are well educated and they can lead independent life. So no more they want to be tied with household duties which results on more and more divorces.

I never want to lean on to anyone in my life. I've learned to live all by myself and is well prepared even to die a dog's death on the streets with none to care for. But what if I get married. Well, then the story will be different. I looked out for someone whom I can lean on to. Whom I can ask to do something for me. It's not cus I look down on her or consider as a servant, but it's only cus I love her. Love makes one depend on another cus it's a matter of trust. I often pity on the so called 'modern' girls or feminists who wants to lead an independent life and don't want to be a servant at home cus they often end up being a servant outside. Of course their are very few who make it big, and rule the world, but rest of them end up being servants again. Though at home they rule, they need to do all the job they are entitled to do in office where they have no other choice. What I wonder at is they don't mind doing anything in office, but find it hard to do something for their husband or parents or kids. Well, the point I want to make is independence is a matter of lack of love and trust.

Finally the political games that makes people even sacrifice their life reassures this thought. The Telengana issue is just an example. For few of them when it comes to being under the state it seems like they are deprived of their freedom. They don't want to serve the state but want to be a separate state. But will they enjoy that freedom that they earn? If every one starts thinking in their terms soon every state will be divided. But will it end there? Divisions will never end as far as selfishness prevails aided with lack of trust and sense of dependence. It's service, which everyone term as slavery, though when it cross the limit it surely is. I wish if people understand that serving someone is not slavery, but an act of love. And on the other hand the one who is served shouldn't take it for granted and exploit or misuse the love and care someone shows.

The providence, ain't it?

This is one of the beautiful things that happened in my life. The last part will bring a tear of joy at least to few of you who read this I believe. I thank the management of Mainland China, the restaurant on Church street, for serving my brothers n sisters n friends with utmost respect.

Last Friday the 12th of Feb, 2010, a day I don't wanna forget in my life, a day out with my friends, a day of joy, fun, embarrassment and above all a day that once again asserted the providence of my Lord.

It was a day we went along with a group of kids from Abraham's orphanage. We took them by a Volvo bus to Corporation circle and from there we went to Visvesvaraya Industrial & Technological Museum through Cubbon Park. I could see how happy they were with a lot of enthusiasm when they went through each exhibits, though few of them were too young to know at least a bunch of it. Few of them I saw taking down notes in a small piece of paper, which proved how keen they were. It was the 3D show that everyone enjoyed more than anything else I guess. They were shouting and screaming and were in a state of awe in the small theater there. Soon after we had to cut short the fourth floor due to lack of time as everyone were so tired and hungry.

I thought I'll give them a different experience and so I thought I'll get them the best of the lunches so far in their lives. It was a high end Chinese restaurant in M.G. Road I had in my mind that I went with one of my friends. Only when I reached there I realized it was shut down. I took them to a long walk in search of another best-in-class Chinese restaurant. Since it was too tiring we took a halt as per my friend's advice and sent two of them on a mission to find a place to lunch. After some time I got a call and we all proceeded.

I saw a man and a woman in suits at the door who welcomed us in the most polite way. When I asked if there's enough seats for 30 of us he said he'll open the floor for us. He then asked me if we would go for a buffet or add-to-basket. When he answered it'll cost 340 bucks plus tax per plate for buffet I said I'll go for the latter. He asked us to get seated while he went to open the floor for us. By this time my mind was filled with calculations, about the rates of the Chinese dishes I've had and the number of people and the amount we have in hand as well as what I have left in my bank account. I thought I can somehow manage it.

"The first floor is open for you," said the man. We all went and took our seats in the AC floor. The first thing I asked was for the menu. I started going through the list one by one and soon started searching something that is the cheapest. Now I was in a dilemma since my ego wouldn't permit me to walk out, but at the same time the amount we had in hand as well as what is left in my bank account won't suffice. Then my friend Stalin walked up to me and said the only option is to tell the management that we can't afford and apologize and walk out from there.

This was the second time I did this blunder of entering such a place without my dad, the first one being walking in with a friend to a restaurant where my dad often takes me. That day I realized that I should never walk into one like that without my dad. But then I was saved as my friend didn't want to have anything and with a cup of tea and a side dish and around 300 bucks in hand. But this time I knew nothing is going to help me out as my bank balance was too low with all the bills yet to be paid.

Finally I made up my mind and approached the man who showed us the way. I told him that it's a bunch of orphanage kids with us and we cannot afford and we are sorry for the trouble. But he was too polite and asked me how much can we pay. I had no idea what to say as I knew it's gonna cost us at least 12000 bucks plus and my friend told me we have only 3500 in hand. I told him we can't afford more than 100 per plate keeping in mind that I had to take them to the park and have to spend at least some amount there. Then to my surprise he asked me if I can give at least a bit more. When I said no, he asked me to take a seat and he'll do the best possible as it's a noble cause.

I went back to the seat wondering what's going to happen. I guess I saw some arguments, at the end of which without a word they started serving us. In between he came and asked if everyone is non-veg. I asked him what my friend Stalin whispered on my ears - to serve the kids non-veg and veg to us volunteers.There came the shock. He told me: "please don't embarrass us, we'll see what we can do." I saw a lot of stuff being served one after the other and was not able to digest the fact as well as the food that was provided thinking about the difference in amount.

Finally, after a wonderful meal that everyone enjoyed, it was time to pay the bill. When asked for the bill he said he'll make the bill for 3000 bucks. They could have thrown us out when they came to know we can't afford their rates. After all it's a bunch of orphanage kids and it's not going to affect their business in any way. But the kindness they showed and the hospitality they provided us with not a tad less of dignity, it's something that's really touching.

From there we straight away went to Cubbon Park. We sang some songs of thanksgiving followed by some action songs. Then we started off with various sports like Cricket, Volleyball and Football. Since girls were not so interested in sports Basilica entertained them with her story telling. And finally we went back and dropped to the orphanage and said goodbye to them. Hope soon we'll have an outing again with them sans Mainland China unless we have enough funds :-)

The whole episode seemed to me just like a wonderful dream. I wonder about the marvelous things God does covering up the blunders we make in life. I thank God and pray for the wonderful people who did all these for us.

Apart from thanking the hotel management, I hereby thank Abraham, the one who runs the orphanage, for giving us the opportunity, the kids for the most wonderful moments they shared with us, Deepak, who sparked it off, Stalin for all the pain he took to run around to make it a reality, Rosanna for the invaluable backing, Sabish, Livin and Fraklin for the support, Liju and Xavier (full timers), Syndi, Basilica, Rakshitha, Robert, Albert, Jinu, Olivia, Aneesha, Martina, Lourde, Monica, Malcolm, Mark (for the special appearance and extra effort in bringing the sports equipments) and Preety without whom it wouldn't have been one of the most amazing days of life.

Realities

Sweet words never fascinate me, cus realities are often in stark contrast.

There's often a grinding teeth behind sweet smiling lips.

My love is six feet deep, but God's love is beyond that.

The shortcut to success is hard work.

When my cell rings I know I am in need.

There's hundreds of 'em, but yet a handful.

Life goes on and on and on...

Though my busy days seem to end with me, I've hardly run short of time for my friends.

I don't find a reason to love you, yet I do. I might find many a reasons to hate you, yet I won't.

I don't find a reason to live; I don't find a reason to die either.

The best part in having none to care is I won't cry.

I don't wanna be your friend for ever, but I wish if I could be one when you feel down.

When I feel down I lean on to an arm chair cus it's softer than any shoulder I've ever found.

If you ever want to be loved, don't love.

People often don't realize the worth of love cus the price is paid by the other person.

Related posts: http://binxwiz.blogspot.com/2009/12/le-moi.html
http://binxwiz.blogspot.com/2009/04/few-more-crazy-thoughts.html
http://binxwiz.blogspot.com/2008/05/sweet-smiles-on-face-yet-holding-dagger.html
http://binxwiz.blogspot.com/2008/05/friends.html
http://binxwiz.blogspot.com/2008/03/being-friend.html