Love I

"Love can make a man out of a beast; and a beast out of a man. It can make one the sweetest of man; the wildest of beast as well."


As I received a mail from one of my friends, and hours of class from one of my uncles on marriage since I was not accepting any of the proposals that’s put forward, I thought I’ll pen down my views on love n marriage. Many of my friends often approach me with problems in this regard. Many of them have problems in their love life and many of them have problems choosing the right partner.


My way of thinking is entirely different, and though I believe my views are right, I’ll never say that it’s right in the eyes of the world at all. I have solid reasons for what I believe. Yet, at the same time, I don’t want any one in this world to follow it, though I wish it be followed to create a better world, as it’s not that easy to live like that. Before I put forward my views on it I would like to tell you that it’s something that you might think is weird, but as far as I’m not convinced that I’m wrong I’m not going to change it at all. As always, in this matter too anyone may question my views, so that if wrong I will be able change my thinking.


Love is something which everyone says is impossible to define. Yes it’s true. Yet you find plenty of definitions given by many of them. I too say love is a nine letter word – SACRIFICE. But, no one ever can define it in the proper way. I would like to start off with something that comes to my mind when it comes to love. It’s the relationship I had with my dad.


I remember my childhood days when my dad was with me. Maybe from the age of 2 to 5, if I’m not wrong. I was so attached to my dad that his presence used to make me forget any pain in this world. Just to have a glimpse of it, I would like to say about the way I behaved when I was given injections. At that age when I was taken to hospital for injections, that I dreaded most, I used to make all sorts of troubles to avoid it. I even used to kick the nurses who come to give injections. Finally at least 3 or 4 of them used to hold me tight to help them inject me. I guess all kids at that age react the same way as it hurts so much. The same me, if my dad is around, will be smiling (I’m not exaggerating. If you doubt you may ask anyone in my family) when they give injections. What ever they do, I never cared if my dad is with me. And the nurses always wondered at my behavior. That, I call is love.


Once I came to a position to understand and analyze things in a proper way, most of my friends started sharing their problems with me. Meanwhile the mails I read, the day-to-day incidents that comes in the newspaper and other things that I came to know through other sources made me think so much about love. And I’ve found that almost all the problems that the world face is due to the lack of love.


One of the songs of Bon Jovi goes like this: “You give love a bad name”. I used to tell my friends that the world has given love a bad meaning. I put a major blame on present day media that has sown the seeds of this confusion. Especially the current situation in India is worsening where people blindly believe and follow what the media says.


If you take a look at colleges and work places, people are totally confused what love is and they often get into trouble. Here peers play a major role in forming wrong conceptions about love. And most of them, as they have no personality of their own as I put it, become victims. The real love is often not understood, and no one even bothers to find what exactly is going wrong. To realize things you don’t have to read this or listen to me or even run to anyone else. Maybe these things will help you to some extent. If you can spend some time thinking about it you will be able to understand lot of things. But you need an open mind for everything.


I see most of them falling into love, and most of them break very soon, some carry on for some time, and almost none making it to the end. It has become a fashion for them to fall in love, and for most of them it’s a matter of shame if he/she has got no lover. Most of them end up broken hearted and still fall into the same line though initially they say that they can’t think of another person in their life.

Many of my friends ask me if I’ve got a girlfriend. I always say that I’ve got plenty of girlfriends, but not as they think. Most of them say I’m lying. Only when they get closer to me that they’ll know the truth. If you think that I’m a person who is against it, you are absolutely wrong. I always looked for someone who loved me. And the main reason why I never accepted any proposals from my friends is cus I never found real love in them. I’m a person who thinks that love marriage is the best thing to happen. But I often oppose it as not all love affairs are right. I believe that the hype you see in the beginning will fade away soon as they get a chance to become life partners, no matter how much they have sacrificed in their life to become one.

Also, since most of the love affairs are associated with glamour, glitz, money and fame, there’s always a chance that one ends up ditching the other, cus nothing in this world is eternal other than true love. Most of them fall in love, as I stated earlier, cus of peer pressure and just for the name sake and to show others. Such love affairs are the ones that often break soon, as it’s the society that dictates terms on such matters. Just to shine in front of others they choose the one whom they think is the best one, and finally ends up thinking is useless as they find that there’s someone else who’s better than that person.


Being a person who’s involved in so many things, I’ve got too many friends all around whom I prefer to call as fans rather than as friends. I only wished if I were nothing so that I would have found those who can really accept me. For me love matters a lot, and if it’s not true I prefer to stay away from it. I don’t mind living alone throughout my life, if I don’t find a person who cannot accept me for what I’m not. That’s one of the reasons why I have always said no to the proposals that I’ve got from my friends. Most of my friends think I’m mad as my parents are ready to accept anyone whom I bring. They don’t even mind which religion or caste or creed. Yet I keep away from it just cus I could never find true love in anyone.


I was trying to patch up one of my friends with her dad as she hated him so much as she believed that he never cared for her family. But instead of him, she fell in love with a friend. I used to ask her to love others for not what they do. She used to share everything in her life, but hid from me that she’s in love, cus she said later that she feared losing me as I often tell my friends, who are girls, that I keep away from them once they are in love with someone or get married.


It might sound odd when I say that I keep away from those who are married or in love. But the reason why I do so is cus I’ve seen relationships break due to doubts and misunderstandings. And since most of my friends, as they say, are emotionally attached to me, there’s always chances of others taking it in the wrong sense. Also yet another important reason is that I associate love with faithfulness. If a person can’t be faithful, then there’s no meaning in it.


Coming back, I could sense about her affair and I knew every move she make, and finally she told me about it as I was keeping a distance from her. He used to take help from her, though he was supposed to help her as her condition was like that. As she started taking help from me I knew she was only helping him. And later she said sorry that it wasn’t for herself, but for her boyfriend that she took help from me. I asked her why is it that she’s behind him even after knowing that he’s utilizing her, she told me that I only asked her to love others not thinking about what you get. Though it was for her to reconcile with her dad that I said, she took it as an advice to love her boyfriend.


This is how the world is. I was wondering, on one hand parents do so many sacrifices through out their life to bring us up; we grow up and start thinking that our parents are not worthy to be loved as they are not ready to do as we say; but on the other hand, we are ready to go to any extent to love someone whom we meet today or tomorrow, and is ready even to sacrifice our life for the one who doesn’t even care for us.


I always tell my friends that one should never be committed to anyone unless they tie the knots. Be just like friends and never cross the limits. This is cus most often I’ve seen lovers break apart even for silly things. More than that is the pressure from family that makes them do so. I never blame anyone for a broken relationship as everyone will have their own version to defend. Most often marriages don’t take place as expected when their parents oppose. Even if a person loves the other so much, if his/her parents say that they will end their life, then there will be no other way but to say no to the lover. And no one can ever take risk in this matter, as most of them consider giving up their life than living in shame in society.


One of my friends once shared with me that he and his parents even bought poison to end their life as his sister went away and got married with someone who is not from their community. I wondered why she did that as she was so loved and their parents were ready to do anything for her. But for the sacrifice she did, this guy finally sent her back home for money. And they got divorced. If these people had ended up their lives where would have she gone to? Another friend of mine was in love with a guy and she had been with him for around 2 years and finally he had to say no as his parents forced him. She was telling that she can’t even think about another guy in her life. Is this what we all look for?


That’s why I always say, be friends, and let marriage be the only commitment. Once if that is done, there should be no looking back. And being in love one should realize that it’s also a commitment, and should be faithful. As I said earlier, one of my friends who used to say that she’s emotionally attached to me, I asked her not to think like that as we all have to say good bye one day or the other. She asked what’s wrong in it. It took me by surprise. I told her that there’s no problem in being friends, but not beyond the limit. When one gets in love or married he/she is supposed to take all the support from the partner. And if that is not possible then there’s no meaning in it. And as I respect relationships so much I don’t want myself to be an alternative. She was arguing that it’s not wrong being attached to a friend even after marriage. I just asked her what she will do if she’s married and her husband goes out with another girl to share his worries and problems. All of a sudden she said that she’ll kill him. And I told that’s what it is.


So if you are a person who’s in already in love, make sure that you stick on to it, come what may. Love him/her for no reason. No matter how good or bad he/she is give your best until he/she gives up. But try to be not more than a friend until you tie the knots. And never cross your limits until then. Try not to get emotionally attached to anyone unless you are committed through marriage.


And if you haven’t fallen in love yet, then I would like to ask you to better be careful. Don’t ever give in to it by pressure. Cus those friends who inspire you won’t be there when you are trapped. Look for true love. Take time to decide. Everyone will look good until the day comes when you realize the truth. As the adage goes, first impression is the best impression. Everyone try their best to give the best impression. So, never rely on what you see. What you get will only be an exaggerated version. Never let glamour, glitz and money be your priority. It might all burst like a bubble, but only true love will last. You might be proud for few days, but later you’ll realize that it’s all nothing. Even if all those things will last as far as you are on this earth, you’ll regret that it’s nothing but love that would satisfy you. Maybe you’ll be happy in front of others, but deep inside you’ll never be.


Beauty is something that will fade. Lust will not last. After few days of good times, it will all come to an end. Then there’ll be nothing much left to stick on. Most of them who is better than others may always have many doors open in front of them always. So you can’t expect them to be a better bet. But those whom you think is useless maybe better, cus they can be made the best by love. Love can do wonders in one’s life. Never try to attract anyone, cus the one who gets attracted to you may one day be attracted to another person if he/she is found to be better. Think of the consequences before you commit.


One way love is something that you should never ever get into. Commit only if you can love and at the same time that person can love you back. There is no point in going behind someone who cannot love you the way you love. Though it’s okay to accept a person who loves you even if you can’t love him/her, it’s always better to have a two way love. Cus then only love can do wonders. Don’t ever think that if you love someone things will change. It will change only if the other person too loves you.


And keep in mind that there is no turning back once you enter. Love is not a game. It can give as well as take away life. And I would say it is something that makes you and the one who loves you do impossible things. But if there is no two way love, it’ll be like the love of God. He always love us, but the lack of love for us towards Him makes things worse. We end up losing what we are supposed to get and we never see greater things happen in our life.


"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments." Matthew 22:37-40 (Bible) “Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.” John 15:13 (Bible)